- By Osiris.

Following the reviews by Russian Premier Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, Fidel Castro who has been absent from television screens in recent months appeared on state television to announce his review of the video game Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare, 6 days from its release in the U.S.

Like Kim Jong Il, Castro gave the game a very low rating of 2.5 stars out of 10. However he did admit that the game was very intense. In fact, the game was too intense for the Cuban leader who has been recently plagued by illnesses, thus the game was rated poorly.

A letter from Havana addressed to Infinity Ward was shown to us by the game developers and it was revealed that Castro had indeed loved the game very much. However for the sake of Cuba’s pride, he had to edit his review such that it did not appear as though he was favouring the Americans.

“For once, America did something right for Cuba. All kids in this island paradise will get a copy of the game free!” Castro said in his last sentence before signing off.

Video courtesy of GameTrailers.com.

- By Osiris.

The North Korean leader is the next world leader to give his comments about the upcoming first-person-shooter game Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare. As usual, his message was broadcast through the state-run news channel.

( Video may take a few seconds to appear )

Infinity Ward was disappointed that it only received 1 out of 5 stars because the game’s single-player campaign was not set in North Korea, and a spokesman for the developer has this to say.

“We here at IW are obviously unhappy with the review, but it will not hold us back. We will continue with the launch of COD 4 which will commence in 6 days time. In the meantime we would like to tell Mr Kim that the game was not set in DPRK because our team of level artists were denied access to the country where we were supposed to gather photographs of locations for the game. As IW is very much focused on creating realistic battlegrounds, the team has chosen not to create North Korean locations without any prior knowledge but instead work on other countries.”

Washington again was visibly disappointed that President Bush still had not received a copy, but was even more furious that the North Korean leader had already played the game.

“The DPRK is a country of the Axis of Evil, and a volatile material like Call of Duty 4 can be classified as a weapon of mass destruction in North Korea’s hands.” said Condoleeza Rice, US Secretary of State.

“Kim Jong Il’s comments in his review has also confirmed the presence of nuclear weapons in the country, which is a violation of the peace deal agreed during the 6-party talks.”

When asked whether the US will be taking any military action, Rice replied, “Right now we are using any diplomatic means possible to save the situation. But anything can happen.”

Video courtesy of GameTrailers.com.

- By Osiris.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has given his review on the upcoming first-person-shooter game by Infinity Ward Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare.

( Video may take a few seconds to appear )

How Putin received a copy of the game ahead of its slated November release date is mysterious, and some suspect that the Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation ( FSB ), which had its roots in the former KGB, had threatened Infinity Ward developers with a possible polonium injection ala Litvinenko.

Following the release of the above video by the Russian Foreign Ministry, Activision was disappointed that its single-player campaign only received a 2/10 rating by the Russian President. A statement released by the publisher read, “The storyline is absolutely plausible. The world is so chaotic today and the Russian Federation has done nothing to improve the situation by behaving so awkwardly and having a leader who seems to have been possessed by the spirit of Stalin.”

“President Putin, despite applauding the graphics, had failed to see the game mechanics which has made the single-player campaign so intense. We feel that he is just jealous that he was not featured as a character in the game, and the company is confident that COD 4 will be the best-selling game of 2007.”

Washington did not respond to Putin’s video but a spokesman for the Department of State said that President Bush was furious at not receiving a copy of the game and has refused to eat his vegetables in protest.

Video courtesy of Machinima.com.

By Osiris.

Software giant Microsoft recently launched its new operating system Windows Vista for the PC, and like every other Microsoft product, it is ridden with bugs.

Loyal customer Satan, who has been using Windows ever since Win 1000BC was released, was fairly disappointed with the quality of Vista. “I’ve never had so much difficulty launching Microsoft Word to write down the name of the next serial killer to hit town.”

Satan is dismayed by the quality of Windows Vista.

Besides the pre-loaded programs being plagued with flaws, some never before seen in Win XP, there have been complaints of the security issues which has since become a trademark of Windows line of operating systems. “I still get a pop-up!” lamented one Vista user who was referring to the pop-up blocker implemented in Internet Explorer, which was meant to protect internet surfers from potential threats in cyberspace.

The pop-up blocker alerts you whenever a threat has been found.

Said another, “I got more pop-ups than him!”

A spokesman from Microsoft announced that the company is currently working round the clock to solve the problems, but urged undecided customers to “get a copy of Vista first” and wait for the service pack to be released.

“To all those who think they can save money by sticking with their current OS, we will be disabling their computers through the automatic updates system. This will ensure that we will achieve our target of having Vista will be installed on every PC. Vista-ready or not, it doesn’t matter. When we have analyzed that your computer specs are not up to the mark, we will recommend you to purchase a computer from one of our preferred partners through Microsoft’s online shopping service.”

When asked if Apple’s Macintosh computers would be affected by the new policy, the Microsoft spokesman replied, “They are Machines that Always Crash. Enough Said.”

Microsoft Paint in Vista.