- By Osiris.

Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi was criticized by the 2nd-in-command of terrorist organization al Qaeda in an audio tape released on Saturday.

In the 28-minute audio recording, Ayman al-Zawahiri accused Gadhafi of being an enemy of Islam by allowing American television network Public Broadcasting Service to set-up a new Middle-Eastern / African station there. According to PBS, the station will produce a new Sesame Street series to educate children the same way the American programme did for its own local viewers. Other programme line-ups include Barney and Friends and Arthur, both also popular television programmes in the U.S .

Al-Zawahiri denounced the decision as ‘anti-Islam’ and blasted Gadhafi for assisting the ‘Washington crusaders’.

“American TV in any state of the brotherhood is against the law of Islam. It is disgusting to know that Sesame Street will be broadcast in Libya, who has in the past been a fervent supporter of the brotherhood. Doesn’t Gadhafi know that Sesame Street promotes homosexualism? Look at Bert and Ernie – oh my god. Allah must be very, very disappointed.”

“Ali Baba and the Virgin Suicide Bombers is a fantastic series, and I don’t understand why it has to be replaced with a Zionist, capitalist show. This is totally outrageous. I will definitely speak to Gadhafi on this matter, but in the mean time he will get his punishment.”

Ali Baba and the Virgin Suicide Bombers is a television series produced by as-Sahab, the media production house of al Qaeda. The group’s logo was visible in the audio recording which was available for download on iTunes.

Ayman al-Zawahiri in a typical al Qaeda video.

This is not the first time al-Zawahiri has criticized American television programmes. On 5th April 2006, the al Qaeda leader strongly criticized Family Guy for attempting to show an image of the Prophet Mohammad on one of its episodes and threatened a ‘retaliation’. The first episode censored the image but when a second Family Guy episode aired with the image of the prophet uncensored, al Qaeda hijacked American televsion networks and broadcast a skimpy short showing various American people excreting, including President Bush.

This picture was released to us through a PBS insider who asked to remain anonymous. It shows Bert and Ernie spending their time off-stage.

A Libyan commander of al Qaeda in Afghanistan was also heard in the recording. Abu Laith al-Libi accused the Libyan leader for his pro-American ways. “After long years, he (Gadhafi) discovered suddenly that America is not an enemy … and is turning Libya into another crusader base,” said al-Libi, who has also been featured in several recent MTV videos.

Libya had been labelled by the US as a financial supporter of terrorist activites but has recently been repairing ties with the U.S after it decided to shutdown its ‘Schoolbags for Bombers’ programme. Libya has also been assisting U.S in its search for Jason Bourne and other wanted fugitives.

Source: CNN

By Da Vinci

Yesterday, the Ministry of Defence released a press statement announcing plans to conduct a series of military exercises in the event that the nation should come under siege. This comes as no surprise considering the regions current political instability and social unrest.

At a press conference held last evening, it was made known that planning was already underway and the ministry was in the process of finalizing the details of the exercise. The first of its kind to be held in the republic, it will involve personnel from the Army as well as members of the 27th Socialist Council who will engage in FIBUA, or Fighting In Built-Up Areas. They will be utilizing revolutionary new training weapons which fire Infra-Red beams of light to simulate actual gunfire.

It is hoped that this series of exercises will encourage bonding as well as promote better cooperation among rival agencies.

“This is not only a safer and cheaper way to train our soldiers, we don’t have to clean up afterwards as well! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone!” said a senior official who spoke on condition of anonymity.

A test run of the missions to be conducted will be held on a small scale by the end of the month and if all goes according to plan, Operation Podge will commence by year’s end.

More updates to follow.

By Osiris

Today marked the day when the Socialists from the Republic of Iceland made their historical move to neighbouring Republic of Jacked China.

President Windsten Hotch welcomed the new citizens of the country, but denied any claims that the groupings of the Socialists were done according to a specified interest.

“It was totally randomised, and I don’t know who started the rumour.” President Hotch announced to the audience of 1000-strong in the city of Malty Purples Hore, which was named in honour of the famous English poet Chaucer.

But Socialists were still not convinced. “We did the f****** test in Iceland. And they already admitted it. The Republic of Jacked China is just telling lies with a straight face!” said a very unhappy Socialist.

More updates to follow.

By Osiris

Five days before senior members of the Socialist Party in the Republic of Iceland were to make a historic move to neighbouring Republic of Jacked China following a month-long conflict with military forces of Iceland’s administration, they received news that the party members were to be grouped according to one’s seniority, work experience and also IQ level.

This piece of news came from the investigation team of Sam and Max, who had been hired by the Socialist Party to make sure that their new home is safe to live in. Sam told Rotters in a phone interview, “The evidence is so obvious it would be stupid not to notice it.”

While Sam and Max had previously thought that the Republic of Jacked China was responsible for this fiasco, it has been confirmed by the dog-and-rabbit duo that the Icelandic government sent their neighbour the list of Socialist party names in the grouped order. However the purpose of such an arrangement is still unclear.

Sam and Max from a file photo.

Socialists are angered by the fact that their lives are still being controlled by the Terrorists’ government despite having officially left the country 2 months ago. Said an official, “We were assured that the Terrorists will have no business in our future endeavours, and here they are discriminating us yet again. This is unacceptable.”

Iceland was quick to respond. A spokesperson for President Bobby K’s administration confirmed the letter to Jacked China, but added that is was necessary security precaution. “We just want our neighbour to know who to watch out for in the Socialist party in case unrest starts again.”

Socialists are also not amused by the way their IQ level was gauged. A mathematics test was taken and some of the questions were really impossible to answer.

Define the whole number infinity and use it to solve infinity + ( infinity – infinity^2 )

Prove that 5 + 5 = 11

If a pear costs 25cents and an apple costs 30 cents, how many oranges do you have?

Use a set-square and find out the percentage of error of not having a 90-degree corner at the bottom right corner of this paper.

That was just the first section, as Socialists told us. The second part was a reasoning test.

Perform a Miracle, you will be awarded marks for creativity.

If Jimmy has six apples and Johnny has four apples, why don’t they eat their apples?

Justify the need for ham sandwiches.

Consider the liar paradox: “This sentence is false.” Presume this statement is true, discuss?

The third was the scientific section.

Would you rather be a proton or electron. Why not?

Using the empty whisky bottle found on your desk and a pencil, note down your observations every 30 seconds after you have injected mercury into your veins.

Prove the existence of God, using counter-argument.

And the bonus section which was compulsory for all to attempt.

If a North-South train leaves City Hall at 12.00pm, how long will it take before it hits another man who has fallen onto the rails?

Using caricatures, describe the Prophet Muhammed.

Socialists were annoyed that they had to do such a difficult test which asked many irrelevant questions. However Iceland insisted that it is through this test that the revolutionists can be separated from the blind followers.

The Republic of Jacked China has yet to comment on this issue.