After talks between the Writers Guild of America and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers broke down on late Sunday, the writers launched an attack on AMPTP.

Locals in Encino, California report seeing a shower of missiles rain on the office building of the AMPTP, severely damaging the exterior. No one was reported to be hurt as the building occupants had already been evacuated after the alarm sounded ten minutes before the missiles striked.

The WGA had already been in negotiations with the AMPTP regarding a bigger share of revenue generated by the sale of TV shows and films over the Internet and also from the sale of DVDs. The studios refused to agree with their demands citing that it will hamper ‘attempts to experiment with new media’. The retaliation by the writers means that American television will be immediately hit, followed by the movie industry. Shows like ‘The Tonight Show’ would be forced to do reruns if last ditch negotiations still fail, a NBC source confirmed with Rotters.

The office building of AMPTP damaged after the writers’ missile strikes. 

“This will affect our viewership ratings. Jay Leno’s jokes are only funny once. If you watch them again you would rather go to sleep,” lamented the source.

The last time Hollywood writers went on strike was in 1988 when writers were engaged in a fierce urban battle in downtown L.A which lasted 22 weeks. Damage to public and private property from the gunfights and airstrikes amounted to $500 million.

The infamous “Bloody L.A” of 1988. 

Source: CNN

Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi was criticized by the 2nd-in-command of terrorist organization al Qaeda in an audio tape released on Saturday.

In the 28-minute audio recording, Ayman al-Zawahiri accused Gadhafi of being an enemy of Islam by allowing American television network Public Broadcasting Service to set-up a new Middle-Eastern / African station there. According to PBS, the station will produce a new Sesame Street series to educate children the same way the American programme did for its own local viewers. Other programme line-ups include Barney and Friends and Arthur, both also popular television programmes in the U.S .

Al-Zawahiri denounced the decision as ‘anti-Islam’ and blasted Gadhafi for assisting the ‘Washington crusaders’.

“American TV in any state of the brotherhood is against the law of Islam. It is disgusting to know that Sesame Street will be broadcast in Libya, who has in the past been a fervent supporter of the brotherhood. Doesn’t Gadhafi know that Sesame Street promotes homosexualism? Look at Bert and Ernie – oh my god. Allah must be very, very disappointed.”

“Ali Baba and the Virgin Suicide Bombers is a fantastic series, and I don’t understand why it has to be replaced with a Zionist, capitalist show. This is totally outrageous. I will definitely speak to Gadhafi on this matter, but in the mean time he will get his punishment.”

Ali Baba and the Virgin Suicide Bombers is a television series produced by as-Sahab, the media production house of al Qaeda. The group’s logo was visible in the audio recording which was available for download on iTunes.

Ayman al-Zawahiri in a typical al Qaeda video.

This is not the first time al-Zawahiri has criticized American television programmes. On 5th April 2006, the al Qaeda leader strongly criticized Family Guy for attempting to show an image of the Prophet Mohammad on one of its episodes and threatened a ‘retaliation’. The first episode censored the image but when a second Family Guy episode aired with the image of the prophet uncensored, al Qaeda hijacked American televsion networks and broadcast a skimpy short showing various American people excreting, including President Bush.

This picture was released to us through a PBS insider who asked to remain anonymous. It shows Bert and Ernie spending their time off-stage.

A Libyan commander of al Qaeda in Afghanistan was also heard in the recording. Abu Laith al-Libi accused the Libyan leader for his pro-American ways. “After long years, he (Gadhafi) discovered suddenly that America is not an enemy … and is turning Libya into another crusader base,” said al-Libi, who has also been featured in several recent MTV videos.

Libya had been labelled by the US as a financial supporter of terrorist activites but has recently been repairing ties with the U.S after it decided to shutdown its ‘Schoolbags for Bombers’ programme. Libya has also been assisting U.S in its search for Jason Bourne and other wanted fugitives.

Source: CNN

Following the reviews by Russian Premier Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, Fidel Castro who has been absent from television screens in recent months appeared on state television to announce his review of the video game Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare, 6 days from its release in the U.S.

Like Kim Jong Il, Castro gave the game a very low rating of 2.5 stars out of 10. However he did admit that the game was very intense. In fact, the game was too intense for the Cuban leader who has been recently plagued by illnesses, thus the game was rated poorly.

A letter from Havana addressed to Infinity Ward was shown to us by the game developers and it was revealed that Castro had indeed loved the game very much. However for the sake of Cuba’s pride, he had to edit his review such that it did not appear as though he was favouring the Americans.

“For once, America did something right for Cuba. All kids in this island paradise will get a copy of the game free!” Castro said in his last sentence before signing off.

Video courtesy of GameTrailers.com.

The North Korean leader is the next world leader to give his comments about the upcoming first-person-shooter game Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare. As usual, his message was broadcast through the state-run news channel.

( Video may take a few seconds to appear )

Infinity Ward was disappointed that it only received 1 out of 5 stars because the game’s single-player campaign was not set in North Korea, and a spokesman for the developer has this to say.

“We here at IW are obviously unhappy with the review, but it will not hold us back. We will continue with the launch of COD 4 which will commence in 6 days time. In the meantime we would like to tell Mr Kim that the game was not set in DPRK because our team of level artists were denied access to the country where we were supposed to gather photographs of locations for the game. As IW is very much focused on creating realistic battlegrounds, the team has chosen not to create North Korean locations without any prior knowledge but instead work on other countries.”

Washington again was visibly disappointed that President Bush still had not received a copy, but was even more furious that the North Korean leader had already played the game.

“The DPRK is a country of the Axis of Evil, and a volatile material like Call of Duty 4 can be classified as a weapon of mass destruction in North Korea’s hands.” said Condoleeza Rice, US Secretary of State.

“Kim Jong Il’s comments in his review has also confirmed the presence of nuclear weapons in the country, which is a violation of the peace deal agreed during the 6-party talks.”

When asked whether the US will be taking any military action, Rice replied, “Right now we are using any diplomatic means possible to save the situation. But anything can happen.”

Video courtesy of GameTrailers.com.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has given his review on the upcoming first-person-shooter game by Infinity Ward Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare.

( Video may take a few seconds to appear )

How Putin received a copy of the game ahead of its slated November release date is mysterious, and some suspect that the Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation ( FSB ), which had its roots in the former KGB, had threatened Infinity Ward developers with a possible polonium injection ala Litvinenko.

Following the release of the above video by the Russian Foreign Ministry, Activision was disappointed that its single-player campaign only received a 2/10 rating by the Russian President. A statement released by the publisher read, “The storyline is absolutely plausible. The world is so chaotic today and the Russian Federation has done nothing to improve the situation by behaving so awkwardly and having a leader who seems to have been possessed by the spirit of Stalin.”

“President Putin, despite applauding the graphics, had failed to see the game mechanics which has made the single-player campaign so intense. We feel that he is just jealous that he was not featured as a character in the game, and the company is confident that COD 4 will be the best-selling game of 2007.”

Washington did not respond to Putin’s video but a spokesman for the Department of State said that President Bush was furious at not receiving a copy of the game and has refused to eat his vegetables in protest.

Video courtesy of Machinima.com.

Osiris was assisting the CIA in locating Jason Bourne while co-founder Da Vinci found himself stranded on a surfboard which was drifting towards the Bermuda Triangle. In the absence of the two presidents, Stalin as chief editor was commanding the Oompa-Loompa employees to make a chocolate statue of himself holding Trotsky’s head. No articles were written during this time as the whole company was in shambles.

A taste-specialist Oompa-Loompa smells a Stalin statue wrapped in gold wrapper.

Now Rotters has undergone a major revamp, which saw the sacking of Stalin and the hiring of Tony Blair who will take the Soviet leader’s place. The site is still being renovated and future articles will be presented in a more organised format.

We dare not be ambitious about next year as the company prepares to defend itself against a British lawsuit. Those Britons are claiming that we are a sister company, even attempting to colonize our headquarters on one occasion. But Rotters has held strong and we will be seeing Reuters in court sometime in October. Preparations for this legal battle will make us busy people but we will try our very best to write regularly.

Thanks for your continuous support all this while and do check back for updates.

Update 1: Rotters has been given a new look, with a more appealing theme and new header!  

Yesterday, the Ministry of Defence released a press statement announcing plans to conduct a series of military exercises in the event that the nation should come under siege. This comes as no surprise considering the regions current political instability and social unrest.

At a press conference held last evening, it was made known that planning was already underway and the ministry was in the process of finalizing the details of the exercise. The first of its kind to be held in the republic, it will involve personnel from the Army as well as members of the 27th Socialist Council who will engage in FIBUA, or Fighting In Built-Up Areas. They will be utilizing revolutionary new training weapons which fire Infra-Red beams of light to simulate actual gunfire.

It is hoped that this series of exercises will encourage bonding as well as promote better cooperation among rival agencies.

“This is not only a safer and cheaper way to train our soldiers, we don’t have to clean up afterwards as well! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone!” said a senior official who spoke on condition of anonymity.

A test run of the missions to be conducted will be held on a small scale by the end of the month and if all goes according to plan, Operation Podge will commence by year’s end.

More updates to follow.

When I returned to the office and got my schedule from the secretary, I was astounded. The company had dispatched us to the Republic of Jacked China to continue our coverage which was long overdue, and turns out that the Socialists are required to undergo a thorough examination by the Intelligence Bureau as part of their anti-terrorism campaign. This may seem like another day’s work, but here comes the unbelievable part – we the journalists would have to be examined as well.

Totally ridiculous. So you probably won’t be hearing from us in another month or so, which I sincerely regret. Check back in July when the team should be fully operational again.

Osiris.

Software giant Microsoft recently launched its new operating system Windows Vista for the PC, and like every other Microsoft product, it is ridden with bugs.

Loyal customer Satan, who has been using Windows ever since Win 1000BC was released, was fairly disappointed with the quality of Vista. “I’ve never had so much difficulty launching Microsoft Word to write down the name of the next serial killer to hit town.”

Satan is dismayed by the quality of Windows Vista.

Besides the pre-loaded programs being plagued with flaws, some never before seen in Win XP, there have been complaints of the security issues which has since become a trademark of Windows line of operating systems. “I still get a pop-up!” lamented one Vista user who was referring to the pop-up blocker implemented in Internet Explorer, which was meant to protect internet surfers from potential threats in cyberspace.

The pop-up blocker alerts you whenever a threat has been found.

Said another, “I got more pop-ups than him!”

A spokesman from Microsoft announced that the company is currently working round the clock to solve the problems, but urged undecided customers to “get a copy of Vista first” and wait for the service pack to be released.

“To all those who think they can save money by sticking with their current OS, we will be disabling their computers through the automatic updates system. This will ensure that we will achieve our target of having Vista will be installed on every PC. Vista-ready or not, it doesn’t matter. When we have analyzed that your computer specs are not up to the mark, we will recommend you to purchase a computer from one of our preferred partners through Microsoft’s online shopping service.”

When asked if Apple’s Macintosh computers would be affected by the new policy, the Microsoft spokesman replied, “They are Machines that Always Crash. Enough Said.”

Microsoft Paint in Vista.

Today marked the day when the Socialists from the Republic of Iceland made their historical move to neighbouring Republic of Jacked China.

President Windsten Hotch welcomed the new citizens of the country, but denied any claims that the groupings of the Socialists were done according to a specified interest.

“It was totally randomised, and I don’t know who started the rumour.” President Hotch announced to the audience of 1000-strong in the city of Malty Purples Hore, which was named in honour of the famous English poet Chaucer.

But Socialists were still not convinced. “We did the f****** test in Iceland. And they already admitted it. The Republic of Jacked China is just telling lies with a straight face!” said a very unhappy Socialist.

More updates to follow.