- By Osiris.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has given his review on the upcoming first-person-shooter game by Infinity Ward Call of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare.

( Video may take a few seconds to appear )

How Putin received a copy of the game ahead of its slated November release date is mysterious, and some suspect that the Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation ( FSB ), which had its roots in the former KGB, had threatened Infinity Ward developers with a possible polonium injection ala Litvinenko.

Following the release of the above video by the Russian Foreign Ministry, Activision was disappointed that its single-player campaign only received a 2/10 rating by the Russian President. A statement released by the publisher read, “The storyline is absolutely plausible. The world is so chaotic today and the Russian Federation has done nothing to improve the situation by behaving so awkwardly and having a leader who seems to have been possessed by the spirit of Stalin.”

“President Putin, despite applauding the graphics, had failed to see the game mechanics which has made the single-player campaign so intense. We feel that he is just jealous that he was not featured as a character in the game, and the company is confident that COD 4 will be the best-selling game of 2007.”

Washington did not respond to Putin’s video but a spokesman for the Department of State said that President Bush was furious at not receiving a copy of the game and has refused to eat his vegetables in protest.

Video courtesy of Machinima.com.

So many things happened over the past few months, which probably resulted in a long period of inactivity on this site.

Osiris was assisting the CIA in locating Jason Bourne while co-founder Da Vinci found himself stranded on a surfboard which was drifting towards the Bermuda Triangle. In the absence of the two presidents, Stalin as chief editor was commanding the Oompa-Loompa employees to make a chocolate statue of himself holding Trotsky’s head. No articles were written during this time as the whole company was in shambles.

A taste-specialist Oompa-Loompa smells a Stalin statue wrapped in gold wrapper.

Now Rotters has undergone a major revamp, which saw the sacking of Stalin and the hiring of Tony Blair who will take the Soviet leader’s place. The site is still being renovated and future articles will be presented in a more organised format.

We dare not be ambitious about next year as the company prepares to defend itself against a British lawsuit. Those Britons are claiming that we are a sister company, even attempting to colonize our headquarters on one occasion. But Rotters has held strong and we will be seeing Reuters in court sometime in October. Preparations for this legal battle will make us busy people but we will try our very best to write regularly.

Thanks for your continuous support all this while and do check back for updates.

Update 1: Rotters has been given a new look, with a more appealing theme and new header!  

By Da Vinci

Yesterday, the Ministry of Defence released a press statement announcing plans to conduct a series of military exercises in the event that the nation should come under siege. This comes as no surprise considering the regions current political instability and social unrest.

At a press conference held last evening, it was made known that planning was already underway and the ministry was in the process of finalizing the details of the exercise. The first of its kind to be held in the republic, it will involve personnel from the Army as well as members of the 27th Socialist Council who will engage in FIBUA, or Fighting In Built-Up Areas. They will be utilizing revolutionary new training weapons which fire Infra-Red beams of light to simulate actual gunfire.

It is hoped that this series of exercises will encourage bonding as well as promote better cooperation among rival agencies.

“This is not only a safer and cheaper way to train our soldiers, we don’t have to clean up afterwards as well! Kill 2 birds with 1 stone!” said a senior official who spoke on condition of anonymity.

A test run of the missions to be conducted will be held on a small scale by the end of the month and if all goes according to plan, Operation Podge will commence by year’s end.

More updates to follow.

It has been more than four months since the Rotters site was updated. Firstly, our apologies for having caused unnecessary worrying over the safety of our writers. No, this time our office was not raided by the CIA’s “12 Monkeys” Dept. We were just taking a long break and had forgotten to return to work.

When I returned to the office and got my schedule from the secretary, I was astounded. The company had dispatched us to the Republic of Jacked China to continue our coverage which was long overdue, and turns out that the Socialists are required to undergo a thorough examination by the Intelligence Bureau as part of their anti-terrorism campaign. This may seem like another day’s work, but here comes the unbelievable part – we the journalists would have to be examined as well.

Totally ridiculous. So you probably won’t be hearing from us in another month or so, which I sincerely regret. Check back in July when the team should be fully operational again.

Osiris.